Dear Alice,

My brother and sister-in-law live about 45 minutes away from my house. They often come unannounced, and stay overnight without asking if that’s okay. We don’t have a guest room, so they just sprawl about on the couch and all over the living room floor. When they come, they make a big deal about how tired they are and immediately take over the living room and don’t get the hint that their unexpected arrival and impromptu sleepover are not cool. They now bring their infant with them, and all of the baby stuff that goes with her, and leave a huge mess. After their last visit, I found a poopy diaper wedged between the couch cushions! They ask for money, invite themselves to dinner and then ask for leftovers to take home, and get upset when they are not included in plans I’ve made for my own family. How can I tell them to 1) call before they arrive, 2) ask if it’s okay to crash at my place, 3) clean up after themselves, and 4) stop mooching—all without creating a rift within our families?

Sincerely,

Had It With Hosting